Daria's voice on the recording:
"I'm sorry for everything I said."
A pause, and then: "I cared about everything you have gone through, and I let that go to a really dark place. I was judgmental when I should have been supportive. I know I must have made everything worse for you, and I don't have any excuse for myself. I don't want to say that I wasn't thinking, because you know for me that's never true. I was just wrong, and ... and I hurt you, and I'm sorry. I'd ... like to see you again, but I'll understand if you don't want to.
"Goodbye, Jane."
* * *
Days later, walking out of an office into an industrial-tiled hall at Longfellow Tech. Stopping abruptly, her hand going for her backpack strap to twist uselessly.
"You owe me." The flatness of Jane's expression, the tone that most would hear as sullen, Daria recognizing something worse beneath it, something she had heard before. "Corey told me you had a meeting here today. Come on. The river's like a block away. Let's go have a goddamn walk beside it and sort this all out."
Every step quiet down the stairs and out into the springtime, every step about as miserable as the one before.
"You were judgmental. I'd say you were quick to judge, but you were also damn slow to say anything about it. Nice of you to keep all that bottled up inside."
"Um. Yeah."
"You have more self-righteousness for cutting people down than anyone I've ever met. Second or third on your short list of joys in life is knowing exactly what is wrong with everyone, and letting them know right when it matters most. You saw everything, but you didn't say a thing about it, up until the minute you looked at me and brought down your holy war. And I've heard the glee under that monotone of yours when you've done that to other people. Did it feel just as good when you did it to me?"
Wanting to scream, "No! God, Jane, no," while saying nothing.
* * *
The impossible blue of the river, and the skyline opposite, steel and glass behind a layer of brownstones, from the concrete steps of the library.
"I meant it when I said I was sorry."
"Yeah. I guess, I mean I didn't doubt you. I just ... don't know what to do about it."
The silence stretching out again.
"You're still going to Bromwell at the end of the term, right?"
"Yes." The need within Daria to explain something, anything. "I stayed on here to do my master's because of you. Maybe I shouldn't have, if it was all going to end this way."
"End? You think this is the end?"
"I think ... I think you want it to be."
"Daria, I ... I'm angry. God, I'm angry. But I'm too tired to want to stay angry. You're more self-righteous than anyone I've met ... Damn thing is, you're right ninety-nine percent of the time. And ... I can't even be sure this time was in the one percent left over. Everything you said hurt, and it still hurts, but it wouldn't have hurt without, I don't know, the facts backing it up. Or all the facts you had, at least."
"I know that there's no way I can really ... I mean, nobody has ever been for me what she was for you. When she moved, it was obvious that you were miserable, and when she found someone else ... I could tell everything got worse for you, but I've never had a ... a partner last that long."
"I'm not even going to touch that."
"I know that I can't know what losing her felt like. And, hell, if you made any bad choices about how to deal with it, mine would have been worse."
"You've got a point there."
Closing her eyes, not wanting to say anything, not wanting the memory of any sight to bind itself to the words she had to say. "Jane ... Everything we've done, everything we've shared ... I can't ask you to keep it going. It's over, if you want it to be."
A silence lasting forever, or for a moment.
"Oh, damn it. Daria, it's just possible that by now, we deserve each other." Jane standing, stretching, without the steadiness and satisfaction that she normally took when putting her body through its paces. "I don't know how long I'm going to stay upset, but I've done my best to see where you were coming from, and ... and you've done the same thing for me. And do we want to give any of them the, the satisfaction of ending us?"
"Do you really think about it that way?"
"Well ... not yet. But I'd like to get there."
"OK. Then ... OK."
"I'll be in touch."
"I'll be waiting."